In the Big Sea of Life

If I could have the world’s attention for two minutes, what would I say?

Linda G — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 16:04:52 +0000

It wouldn’t take me two minutes.

Open your heart and your life to God, what He wants for you is more perfect than anything you could imagine for yourself.

I am not just speaking romantically – When you love, love with all your heart and without conditions, hug with your whole body, tell the people you love that you love them, everyday, not reserve it for special occasions or comings and goings.

The things of this world that you think are important, mostly aren’t, so stop sweating them.

Be gentle with yourself…

And remember that “Pain is never permanent.” St. Teresa of Avila.

That’s what I’d tell the world.

Changes

Linda G — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 03:39:37 +0000

Our life together is becoming a memory. I am so incredibly sad.

A part of me

Linda G — Tue, 31 May 2011 01:18:51 +0000

I may go home tomorrow, but a part of my heart will stay here.

Getting ready

Linda G — Tue, 24 May 2011 15:26:04 +0000

Little things, big things, lots of getting ready.
Work things, life things, lots of things to get ready.
Preparation, perspiration, aggitation, exhilaration getting ready.
Prayer, mediation, contemplation, open heart, open mind, open ears needed to get ready.
Here comes life.

Declaration – Well intentions not desired.

Linda G — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 18:59:37 +0000

Interesting phenomenon, at least I’m trying to see it in that way. Random people not of my inner circle or even outer circle because they wouldn’t need to do this – over the past two days have come up to me all smoothery about their condolences. I shouldn’t be irritated by this, but I am. It’s been over a month and a half, I’m moving forward step by step, sometimes moment by moment and God is so good to me, but it isn’t always easy to do.

What it feels like to me whether it is or not: Their insistence on inserting themselves into my world, because they feel the apparent over whelming need to make themselves feel acquitted of caring when they haven’t taken the time to see me over the last month and a half is self-serving. It actually surprises me how much it draws me back to pain that really isn’t necessary. And it bothers me a bit to know that pain is still so present. I don’t need scratching at a healing wound by well-intentioned but thoughtless people. Especially this week of all weeks! Of course, maybe that’s why I’m even more bothered.

I understand they feel they need to say something – tell me I look nice, because I do. Tell me it seems like I’m doing well, because I am. Fine ask me how I am, but then when I say It’s something I take day by day, but really I’m doing better than I would have thought with what it is, because I am, believe me and move on. I’m apparently supposed to be a weepy, unattractive train wreck. My grieving started a long time ago, while Jeff was alive and in agony, every time I looked at his face and realized our time together was coming closer and closer to and end. Every touch and kiss that might be the last.

I should be more charitable to these people, but I can’t seem to muster it right now. They touch something inside that needs to be left to heal on its own, without well-intentioned intrusions into my heart.

I am grateful for the people who have suffered similar loss and see me after those intrusions, understand and love me through it. Giving me good solid practical things to do and help me move into the next moment.

Peace.

No scars or bars

Linda G — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 14:24:08 +0000

At one time not too far in the past, I would have presumed that the long agonizing battle with cancer that Jeff and I suffered together would have left behind huge scars and bars on my heart. But I find instead huge graces and blessings! God be praised!
The Scriptures now speak to me! I know, feel connected with the readings in my heart. It’s hard to put into words, but I’m aware of so much more. And I am so incredibly grateful for this gift. God loves us beyond measure and counting.

“Mingle and Live”

Linda G — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 15:38:15 +0000

Well that’s what Jeff wanted us all to do. He told me about it multiple times when we were getting closer to the end and he had a talk with his Mama while I was down at Li’l Jeff’s baptism. He told his ”girls” when they visited him and added “go mingle” with that wave of his hand. He wanted “his people” around him, his community from SPX and the paper and the local area. We never had children, but God gave us so many people to love.

He told his mother he wanted us all, her, after he passed, to continue to do the things she loved to do. To live! So if it looks odd that we talk about celebrations and parties, get our hair fashionably done, laugh and sing, attend Steeler charity basketball games, like we will tonight – don’t mind us, we’re just doing what Jeff instructed us to do. And when we do, he’s there with us as always the center of the room.

The Flying Toaster Express

Linda G — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 12:05:22 +0000

Had a delightful and trip up with MIL. It was pretty much traffic free and we relaxed talking and listening to the 50ms channel on Sirius XM. Wish I xould have tweeted and drove she was a hoot! She lived the 50′s and Ollie made sure I knew about it. Much prefer the open road to flying. Of course what I do on the open road can be considered flying to some extent I’m told

Sadly the caffeine I take to retain optimum aviation tendencies on a long trip do not equate to restful night sleep/ but all I plan to do today is shop for new shoes and maybe a new dress I mibht squeeze in a nap.
Peace!

Perhaps

Linda G — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 11:34:02 +0000

Following up on my post on this page. To let people into your heart is what I was think maybe Jesus meant by “love you neighbor as yourself. “ or for my Hebrew brothers and sisters, “Love your neighbor as yourself, this is Torah,”
Perhaps, it’s not just about doing nice things for each other and being mindful of eachother. That is good, but perhaps it’s more about truly taking down the barriers the surround the heart and serving each other out of sacrificial love. I am experiencing that in abundance, Jeff and I were experiencing that and it fills your soul with a “warnth” that has to be God’s Love.

The little things

Linda G — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 03:27:26 +0000

Truly I know I am being blessed and receiving all sorts of graces to go through all this. And mostly I’m good, most of the time.

Today went great minus getting up at 3:17a and not being able to go back to sleep and a little issue ha,ha,ha with the chimney. Lunch with Dad and Sister and their help with said chimney that helped keep me sane and then dinner with our Cuban family so delicious in food, company and conversation to remind me life I still happening. Then…
When I was going through the mail, there was one of Jeff’s Civil War periodicals and I opened it to give to his mother to read and bam – The water works!

He loved his magazines and poured over them, kept them in protective boxes and used them as references when reading the books in his collection. In the last few weeks of his fight, to help get his mind off the pain and concentrate till the next set of meds he’d have me read from them to him. He said the sound of my voice helped give him a target to focus on.

I know there will be many more of these type days ahead and I am so grateful for the love and support that will be in them. His mother staying down here through his burial is no coincidence. She is being so loved as I appreciate her being here greatly as well.
It’s the little things, the ones that make you cry and the ones that make you smile that compose your life. Keep your eyes and ears wide open for them.